So, I re-tweaked my back about 2 weeks ago while at my sister’s place up in Cleveland. When I’m having back pain the most painful thing to do besides stand straight up is to turn and wipe. You don’t realize how much twisting, bending, and flexing it takes to get your arm around and down there.

As such, I have restricted the number of daily dumps and cut back on the paid poops. Basically, I wait until it’s worth the amount of pain of wiping.

This has lead to my large intestine becoming a pressure cooker. There are some days where I’ve waited long enough where I would be sure I was crapping diamonds if I was eating coal.

“Look at my poo, it’s now DIAMONDS!”

I will leave that smell to your imagination.